knox snooze

Succotash my Balzac, dipshiitake.

These boots were made for hunting

I bought a pair of boots today. Some would call them cowboy boots. Yes, I know it's almost indescribably hilarious that I have a pair of cowboy boots, but keep in mind that I bought them at the mall. At Journeys. Which makes it even more laughable than you thought before.

I've never had a pair of cowboy boots before, and there's part of me that feels like I need to put on the rest of a halloween costume when I'm wearing them. That, or make out with Heath Ledger. Also, there's part of me that thinks, "Holy shit, I'm like three inches taller in these." Which pretty much outweighs any shame I should feel for wearing them.

There's no avoiding the fact that you feel different when you wear boots like these. You should probably feel kind of like a poseur if you are not a) a cowboy, b) a country musician, c) a stripper, or d) some holy combination of all three. But, you might be like me, which means you feel no real shame (about pretty much anything, actually), and so you feel like a total badass. A total badass who is now finally approaching six feet tall.

So after a couple of hours of wearing them while watching Saturday night Brit Comedies on PBS (someone else, please find that hilarious), I finally got to put them to good use. I heard a crash outside the house and leapt to my well-booted feet. I grabbed my Marksman BB gun (seriously) and stepped out the back door just in time to peg a fat raccoon as he stumbled off my trashcan.

I totally shot a raccoon. In my boots. With a $35 Wal-Mart BB gun.

And then I clip-clopped back into the living room to tell the internet about it. Somewhere, a posse is being organized to beat my college-boy ass into a pulp.
« Home | Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »
| Next »

2/01/2006 10:53 PM Blogger Serrabee

What an inspiring set of contradictions make up that story!    



» Post a Comment