knox snooze

Succotash my Balzac, dipshiitake.

Any food is possible

Inspiration: sweet vending machine lovin.

As far as I can tell right now, I think the biggest hurdle for me to overcome in this whole training process will be learning not to put stupid stuff in my body. Like cigarettes. Or eleven beers. Ten, yes; eleven, don't be ridiculous.

And no less a temptation than the smokey goodness of a cigarette is the crinkly, cellophane-wrapped seduction of vending machines. Vending machines that are strategically placed every 40 inches or so around this campus, so as to ensure the balloonification of my buttcheeks.

So, having brought no lunch with me today, and having no money at my dispoal, other than the coin or six I could rustle up from my trusty paperclip/highliter/rubberband/postage/change drawer (you know the one), I went to the vending machines, determined to find something moderately healthy, bolstered by the faint hope that maybe the vending machine guy had started stocking something healthy and actually closer in value to the $1 or .75 everything goes for.

(That paragraph is all one gigantic sentence. Strunk & White can blow me.)

I found Fig Newtons. I guess they've always been there, but I had never paid much attention to them because, let's face it, what retard is dropping three quarters on something whose manufacturer insists we not call it a cookie? Answer: Ahem...right here.

They weren't bad. No Swiss Cake Rolls (which is what I had secretly hoped was the only thing in the machine - which would be a sign from God), but actually sort of filling. And, as the packaging indicated with a large "Anything Is Possible" logo, it is the "official snack partner" of the Ironman. Or was, at least (mmm...year-old Newtons).

And just when I was beginning to think that these things might be able to hold a regular place in my diet, I went to their website (cause I have a government job). There, for everyone to see, were "recipies" for things one could theoretically make with said Newtons. The list includes such culinary delights as Peanut Butter & Fig Newton Smoothies, Fig Newton Chicken Salad Roll-Ups, and, my personal favorite, Ham & Cheese Fig Newtons - which, as you can imagine, is very popular with triathletes on race day. "Ham AND cheese on a Newton? Don't mind if I do. Pass me another bottle of bottle of heavy gravy, please."

So: Newtons 1, Camels 0.

I wonder how one goes about getting an official snack partner anyway.
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