knox snooze

Succotash my Balzac, dipshiitake.

It's actually not soft at all

Last night I played in a softball game for the first time in...oh ten years.* It wasn't your average "Bob's Hardware" vs. "Mel's Filling Station" kind of game. No, I was playing for my local food co-op against my favorite hipster-centric downtown restaurant. These are the softball games in which there is a good chance that we're going to make a point to use vegan softballs and gloves.

It was great, though. We mighty grocery baggers won 12-10, and there was much rejoicing.

Not that it matters, but I totally hit one to the fence. This is the closest I have ever come to hitting a home run. I played years of little league, church league softball, intramural baseball and softball, and plenty of let's-go-to-the-park ball, but I've never put one as close as I did last night. I was so stunned by the sight of the ball soaring back that I forgot to run for the first three or four steps. To the average bystander, it might have appeared that I was grandstanding, doing a little Sammy Sosa, staring it out, or otherwise being a cocky ass about it. Much as I am an arrogant bastard from time to time, rest assured that I was just trying to keep from soiling myself. As a result of my late start on the baserunning, I was only able to wrangle a triple out of it. It was a stand-up triple, but I slid anyway. You know, because of the inertia. And for the glory. Oh, the glory.

You know what you need to do? You need to find a slow-pitch softball team to play on. We had beer and cigarettes in the dugout. It's got all the vice-friendliness of bowling, only it is slightly more active and with better shoes.


*From time to time, I'm struck with the strangeness of talking about not doing something or seeing someone for ten or twelve years. It feels almost foreign. I guess it's just one of those things that people much older than me said my whole life, and now that I catch myself saying it, I think, "Wow, I figured I'd have my shit way more together than this by the time I got around to saying things like, 'I haven't taken a math class in ten years.'"
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8/09/2005 11:25 PM Blogger T Gut

NO WAY your fat ass could have a stand up triple unless it's the bottom of the 7th and they have all their retard scrubs in and even those guys are drunk.

liar.    



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