knox snooze

Succotash my Balzac, dipshiitake.

I have bunny ears

Yesterday afternoon was exciting. I had just come back to my office after a rousing discussion of the merits of Alias and Lost moving to separate nights next season (high-brow stuff, I know) with a co-worker, when I had...um...a thing.

It wasn't really chest pain. It was more of a chest fart. You know when you have a fart about to come raging out of your body, and right before it does, you have this strange sensation of a tremendous pocket of gas chugging through the homestretch of your large intestine, displacing everything in it's path so hard that it makes you walk funny? It was like that, only behind my ribs. Oh, and then there was a monster headrush.

It wasn't that bad, but it was scaring the piss out of me for the like twenty seconds that it was happening, so in my panic I asked another co-worker within earshot to drive me to the on-campus health clinic. Stupid Ashby.

The health clinic wouldn't see me because I'm not a full-time student, but people in my office were worried about me, so I drove out to my doctor's office. They hooked me up to an EKG, which was awesome and involved me nervously removing my shirt in front of a nurse and suggesting that it was only fair she do the same (yeah, they love me there). And guess what? I have a retarded heart. Yes that's right, if my heart was a person, it would wear a helmet.

I have a hiccup in the EKG that the doc called bunny ears. He says it just means that there is a little glitch, an anomoly, but that it's probably nothing to worry about - they've done studies (not him personally) on the same condition in fighter pilots, and it's apparently not a problem. He didn't say what he clearly meant, though. That when my organs get together to play kickball, my heart always gets picked last.

Oh yeah, and he told me I'm fat. To which I was like, "Medically? Or do you just not like me?"
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6/10/2005 9:49 AM Anonymous Kara

Oh, man, Ashby! That's super scary. Don't go bungee jumping anytime soon, okay?    



6/12/2005 2:43 PM Blogger infozo

ok, so we've got Braveheart, Polly Pureheart, and now 'Tard-Heart.

Hm.

Put on that helmet and take care of yourself.    



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