knox snooze

Succotash my Balzac, dipshiitake.

The lonliest elephant

Friday, April 30
Not that I think zoo life is ever for animals, an elephant at the Knoxville Zoo is particularly unhappy. It's gotten so bad that a judge has ordered the zoo to keep her happy. Specifically, he's given them six months to prove she's adapting well.

I have no idea how to feel about this. What are the other elephants saying to her? Maybe we should hire an escort to hang out with her for a night or know, just to help her adjust to the new digs and show her around town.

Fightin' Dutches

Former first lady Nancy Reagan has denied a request to name a college in Colorado after former president Ronald Reagan. Normally, she would not have veto powers until after the president's death, but she has assumed them due to his ongoing illness.

It's odd, though. The proposed school had funding in place, even a parcel of land, and all they needed was an ok from her. Not really any reason given by her, as far as I can tell...just a reminder to support the Reagan Presidential Library instead. Weird.

Aside from the presence of FoxNews, the president-to-be of the proposed school responded in true RTB fashion:
"I'm just sitting here watching Fox News and recovering with a scotch in my hand. When I wake up tomorrow, maybe I'll think about it some more."

Well I heard that.

We're famous again

Instapundit has pointed out that RTB gawdfather SouthKnoxBubba got a mention in Sports Illustrated. Woohoo.

Alan Chesney

He's your buddy and mine. He's the UT bigshot who suggested at an Employee Relations Committee meeting that the university could save money by "furloughing" employees during the week of Christmas. When he was confronted by it, he denied any such suggestion was made.

Well, good news. He wants to make it up to you. Here's the official email he just sent to all UT employees:

April 30, 2004

TO: UT Employees
FROM: Alan P. Chesney, Executive Director of Human Resources
SUBJECT: Reduced Price on Prostate Cancer Screening

The Prostate Cancer Screening price has been reduced! The UT Medical
Center has reduced the cost to $12, payable by cash or check. Screenings
will be available for all University faculty, staff and/or their spouses
over the age of 40 on Thursday, May 6, 2004. Hours will be from 8 a.m. to
5 p.m. in the Student Health Center. For an appointment or for further
information regarding the program, please call 544-6877.

That's right...if you tell the UT Medical Center that Alan Chesney sent you, they'll only charge you $12 for sticking it to you. Maybe they figured we'd be good patients since we're so used to grabbing our ankles for Chesney.

Baseball musings

David at Baseball Musings has posted his response to the Buster Olney idiocy that is still being propogated over at I haven't had a chance to see Baseball Tonight in about a week, but apparently Kruk has been preaching the anti-gospel of the productive out as well. Krukster, we hardly knew ye.


Sundown in the City was great last night. REK played his good stuff, the opener was good, some high school kids beside us tried to share their weed with us, and I saw Mike and Sarah.

It was a party. I even danced with the missuz. No, I wasn't sober.

I still hate Buster Olney

Thursday, April 29
I've despised Buster Olney for a long time. He's a former beat writer for the Yankees who now writes for And he sucks. Not only does he tend to be the world's biggest Yankee apologist (today's article being an exception), but he also harbors a great deal of bitterness toward the so-called "Moneyball" crowd. If you are unfamiliar with Moneyball you should read it, but let it suffice to say that the philosophy espoused in the book exists almost entirely as a response to the big-spending tendencies of clubs like his beloved Yankees. Also, Moneyball is a favorite among the Red Sox crowd - common fan and general manager alike.

So Buster is on his old schtick about the "productive out" again. He's an idiot. His writing is poor (comes to no conclusion), his analysis is selective (how does he explain the first-place record of the Moneyball BoSox?), and the foundational premise of his argument is flawed. In order to subscribe to the productive-out philosophy, one must assume before an at-bat that the outcome of that at-bat is going to be an out. Relying on the productive out is a weak bet-hedging move.

For example: there is a man on first and there are no outs. The batter can a) approach the at-bat normally, attempting to reach base at any cost, including a walk, single, double, triple, and a home run, or he can b) approach the at-bat under the assumption that he is most likely to make an out, and should therefore concede the out and make the most of it along the way. Whether Olney wants to admit it or not, settling for second-best is the fundamental philosophy behind the productive out philosophy of baseball. Give me a team that goes for the gusto, and keep your "we meant to do that," hit-and-run, sac-fly milquetoasts to yourself.


There's a big shindig going on in Circle Park on campus right now. They have a bunch of cover bands playing. I went over there for a few minutes and saw "Appetite For Destruction," which is, as I'm sure you guessed, a Guns-N-Roses cover band. They come complete with their own Slash. I hate GNR, but these guys were pretty cool...very good too.

Sorry the pic is so far away. I didn't want to be any lamer than I already was by walking right up to the stage.

Oh yeah, the local Sony street team guy was there with a bunch of free swag. I used to get all kinds of stuff from him at Java. I grabbed a Modest mouse sticker and single from him.

build a better breeding ground...

Infozo is gettin' all frothy at the mouth thinking up ways for Knox county to make it's future downtown library. Get over there and tell him what you think it should look like. Once upon a time, there was an imput form on the library webiste, so your opinions could go right to County Mayor Mike Ragsdale, himself. Tis no more, alas. go tell Infozo how to pimp yo library.

Top 10

After an email conversation with a fellow RTB'er about how unhip we are, I've decided to share my personal criteria for determining if you no longer have street cred:

Top Ten Signs That You're Not Street:

10) You have no idea who Twista, Chingy, and Fabolous are.

9) You know (and care about) the difference between Shiraz, Cabernet, and Merlot.

8) You know who Garrison Keillor and Erma Bombeck are.

7) You really wish there was a hybrid-drive minivan.

6) You laugh at the cartoons in the New Yorker.

5) You have spent an entire afternoon shopping for a ceiling fan.

4) You TiVo documentaries on PBS.

3) You regularly use the word "Kafkaesque."

2) You often reminisce about graduate school.

...and finally...

1) You plan on blogging as soon as you finish reading this.

There you go. If that sounds like you, then I need to tell you, my friend; you are no longer street. Kiss it goodbye and embrace your inner lame-o.

Day-old Beacon

There's an article in yesterday's (Wednesday) Daily Beacon about the potential of the area around the World's Fair Park. There are public tours of the city-owned facilities there on May 4 and 6 at 3:00 pm. There's no mention of whether the tours actually include a look inside Ye Olde Sphere of Sun, but the general "point" of all of it is for the public to get a good idea of the nature of the facilities so that future usage suggestions can be made to Mayor Haslam.

One suggestion made in the article is the installation of a movie screen in the park. That's a fantastic idea. The B-movies they showed out behind the ThInQ Tank before it, uh, tanked were the perfect backdrop for a little lull in the drinking. Why couldn't we show old movies out there every Saturday night at 10 or so? Oh, that's Ok, Friday nights, then. How about Thursdays after Sundown? What if we had a big Friday night series after Sundown ends where we have a concert in the park, and then show a movie or two. Show indie flicks, documentaries, even local movies, of which we have a few (Roman Karpynec, anyone).

Someone back me up, here.

UT Press Release

"Adam H. Alfrey, a senior in art history at the University of Tennessee, will be one of three undergraduates to present a paper at the International Medieval Congress."

Nice work, Adam.

chicago white sux

Wednesday, April 28
My hatred for thee grows deeper every day. I just watched the Indians give up 5 (count 'em) runs in the bottom of the ninth to lose by one to those evil south-siders.

Take my cameraphone back, I've changed my mind. All I want for my birthday is a bullpen for the tribe.


Tuesday, April 27
Hey, we're famous! UTK researcher Mahesh Anand and his team have discovered a new element in a meteorite from the Moon that landed on Earth in 2000. They got a little write-up in the Houston Chronicle, and they even made the Fark front page. Whooo, go astrovols.

nu bux

Monday, April 26
The Treasury Department unveiled the new design for the $50 bill today in Fort Worth, TX. It looks pretty slick, too. It has a stars and stripes banner thing behind the mug of ol' Useless. Get a good look at it here (.pdf). This is as close as I'll get to one for a while.

MS demeanor

The MS Walk on Saturday went well. I met up with a friend who wanted to run instead of walk the whole thing, so I jumped in and ran with her. Mainly because I'm on crack, I think. I think I managed a good three-quarters of a mile before I absolutely had to stop. I know, it sounds pathetic. It was.

On the bright side, they had Richey Kreme Doughnuts waiting when we got back, and I got a free t-shirt. Score.


Friday, April 23
If you're ever bored, you should read the UT crimelog in the Daily Beacon. Here's today's best:

2:32 a.m. - Report of fireworks being discharged in the lobby of Reese Hall. Officer unable to locate subject.

Only in Tennessee do you get some jack-in-apes setting off fireworks in the dorm.


Remember the old SNL commercial for the industrial strength breakfast cereal called Colonblow®? Well, I do. Anyway, a friend of mine just pointed me to a website for a company that really is called Colonblow®. I'm still having a hard time believing this is real. They have logoed merchandise and 'outstanding poop pics.'

Has anybody ever tried this stuff?

They bill themselves as a "natural, agressive, humorous colon cleanse." I wonder how Katie Couric feels about this.

MS Walk

Tomorrow is the MS Walk in Knoxville. It starts at 10:30 or so, and I'll be there with my mom, who has MS, and her corporate team. Come on down and show us some love, people.

el gato grande

Thursday, April 22

Somebody needs to give Andres Galarraga a contract for the second half of the season. I know, MLB is not known for magnanimous gestures, but if ever anyone deserved a shot at coming back for a milestone before he retires, it's the big cat. Tampa has about $70 million of cap room to work with, right? Come on, Lou.

this heads up via baseball musings.

mirth day

In case anyone misses it, here's today's Google decoration:

Happy Earth Day!


Big Tony talks in the new Metro Pulse about the UT ticket fiasco that is currently all the rage among the whiny-ass local sports prognosticators. He hasn't sprouted the stones to really say how he feels about the situation, but he goes as far as to say, "This has been a public relations gaffe worthy even of our imperious former Athletic Director Doug Dickey." Drawing comparisons to the Dickster is a pretty solid indication that he does not approve.

What I am having trouble understanding is why the team's actual performance is considered a critical aspect of the discussion. Basilio cites State Senator Jerry Cooper's comment, "Besides, shouldn’t Tennessee win a bowl game before they start talking about raising ticket prices?" Basilio acts like this is some kind of witty or profound little zinger. First of all, that sort of belly-aching has been going on every season that I can remember except 97-98, when they were undefeated and won the national championship. Secondly, who cares how successful the team is? Seriously, that's not a rhetorical question. Who cares? Apparently, it isn't the people/companies who are willing to pay the hefty premium that goes along with the right to have those sideline seats.

Why is it a bad thing that the Athletic Department is making dollar on top of dollar at football games? Furthermore, what in the hell does it have to do with the fact that they're a land-grant institution? You're living in a very small, dark bubble if you think that the University of Tennessee is or should be a place where no revenue is generated or needed.

UT football is a product. Demand is outrageously high. Why not take advantage of it? Do you really think that just because your family has had the same seats for the last thirty years means you have a right to those seats without paying market value? Give me a break.

Besides, the premium only applies to more than two seats per person. Read the letter, Basilio!

how simple

Wednesday, April 21
This post is to demonstrate the ease and simplicity of blogging to my hot little missuz. See, I told you.

administrative pro

Hey, it's "go home early because we abuse you" day for all us phone-answering, memo-reading, bi-weekly types. Two hours...w00t.

Remember when it was called Secretaries' Day? That reminds me of one of the funniest and wrongest things I've ever read. Cheers.

hear ye, hear ye

Here is the official proclamation by the University to all us students and underlings:

April 21, 2004

TO: All UT Faculty, Staff, and Students in the Knoxville Area
FROM: Margaret Perry, Executive Director of the UT Presidential Search
SUBJECT: Trustees Today Named UT's 23rd President

Dr. John Petersen is the University of Tennessee's new president. He was
just named by the Board of Trustees, who met on the Knoxville campus today.
If you can, please join him at the reception which is now under way in 227
University Center.

Dr. Petersen, provost and executive vice president at the University of
Connecticut, was elected after an unprecedented search involving broad
input and candidate interviews broadcast over the Internet.

He is expected to be on the job July 1.

To read more about Dr. Petersen and the search process, go to

Connecticut Yankee

Well, they picked the guy from Connecticut. I guess we should call him by his title: Dr. John Peterson, the President of the University of Tennessee. He is currently a honcho in the UConn system(.pdf warning)...just like our last "president."

We should have an official cleansing ceremony where we have him bring forward all of his UConn women's basketball gear and we burn it right in the middle of Thompson-Boling Arena. It will be a holy sacrifice. Plus, we could probably pack the place, and we all know how cash-strapped the Atheltic Department is.

selection day

Today is the final day...the big moment. The University will finally name it's choice for president from the three final candidates. They will convene this afternoon and announce the choice shortly after 1 p.m....I think.

Here's to you, new guy.

tv 2's day

Tuesday, April 20
Week 6 - Just the facts, m'am…
Whether it was Barney Fife with one bullet in his pocket, or Lt. Columbo's "Just one more thing…", we could be sure in the old days that TV cops would wrap everything up neatly in 30 to 60 minutes. These days it may take a few episodes, but TV's top cops still manage to right most of the world's wrongs.

1. Who is your favorite (past or present) TV cop?
Easily Andy Griffith

2. Which TV cop do you think was the most crooked, or the most inept?
Man, I should watch more cop shows, I guess...Barney Fife as most inept.

3. Which TV show had the best ensemble cast of police officers?
Probably 21 Jump Street

~Bonus~ You need to hire a bodyguard for yourself. Which TV cop do you choose?
Officer Stacy Sheridan can guard my body any day...or night

Thanks for playing… Let's be careful out there!
I'm painting myself bright orange and surrounding my chair with construction cones as we speak.

TV Note: Thursday and Friday this week at 10/9 p.m. central, Court TV is running a 2-part documentary called "Just the Facts", dissecting the accuracy of Hollywood's depiction of police work. "Police work is years of boredom punctuated by seconds of sheer terror," says Bill Davis of the California State Police. Doesn't quite seem that way on TV, does it?


damn, I keep forgetting today is not Monday

Life of Brian

Monday, April 19
Because Brian emailed to make sure I'm ok, here's an update: The missuz threw a birthday party for me over the weekend. It was great...we cooked out at a friends house, ate outside, spent the night there with the windows open...kind of got sick. Yesterday we ran some errands, but ended up spending the late afternoon down at Sequoyah Hills Park eating a picnic and watching some little league team practice. It was a beautiful day. Then, about 7 last night, all of the pollen and night air we'd inhaled over the alst two days hit us. We fell asleep and woke up a few hours later with sinus headaches and stuffed noses. There wasn't much sleeping after that. Finally fell back around 3 or so, and then was in and out of that really wonderful half-asleep, half-awake, sweating, can't breathe state till about 11 this morning. It was awesome.

So, to anyone who was worried (Brian), yes, we were a little sick, but we're pretty much better now. Ok, I'm going back to sleep now.

Just a regular guy

Saturday, April 17
The oddest thing I've seen tonight: Tommy Lee talking about trying to work out his relationship with ex-wife Pam Anderson for the sake of their children. His explanation of why it's important to him is that he's just "old-fashioned."

This he said as his personal tattoo artist sat in front of him etching the names of his son's in red ink into his wrists. Just like grandpa used to do...

Supa sleepies

Friday, April 16
I had to go to the driver's license place this afternoon to get my license renewed. I don't know how it is where you are, but one of the only cool things about the mall here is that there's a little city hall place there where you can do this stuff. I went on my lunch break, though, which means I had to do battle with all the lunchtime demons that the mall presents: soft pretzels, bigass pizzas, Mrs. Fields, and for crying out loud, Steak Escape. In predictable fashion, though, I went to the Chinese place. Garlic Spicy Chicken, Fried Rice, Egg Roll and sweet and sour sauce.

And now, with my thickened blood chugging lazily through my veins, I'm ready to crawl under this desk and sleep.

Why not

Since Darren did it, I guess it's ok for the rest of us too.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the sentence on your blog along with these instructions.

And the winner is:

"O strange face there in the glass!"

-- Ezra Pound, On His Own Face in a Glass

Tomorrow's fun

If you were thinking about coming by campus tomorrow afternnon, you might want to rethink your plans a little. The Admissions Office is hosting an event for high school kids tomorrow, and they're expecting 2000 or so people. It would be one thing if these were just the kids themselves, but this will be entire families...naive parents demanding special treatment for their young'ns...even younger kids squalling and whining...17 year-olds willing to do anything to be anywhere but with their parents. Yeah, it'll be a real blast. The last part of the event will be them all attending the Orange & White Game. I think it's general admission, so if you were counting on getting a good seat by showing up at three, you might want to get there a touch early.

Nu look

Thursday, April 15
Yeah, so I was getting a little tired of the "Ashby's World o' Sloppy CSS" look, so I went and got me a prefab job. Hope no one's disappointed in me. I'll get on that whole learning to code and design thing just as soon as the semester ends, I swear.

Anything missing from the new page? Any suggestions?

All of this design, by the way, was gratefully stolen from maystardesigns, which has a ton of cool design stuff.

Blindly bold quote of the morning

''If the district attorney's office wants to spend court time on matters of such a minor nature as this, bring it on; we'll engage them.'' -- Attorney John Herbison, who represents Metro News, a combination porn and furniture store in Nashville.

It's that day

It's the 15th, but at least the weather is nice. It'll be great for Sundown In The City tonight. Maybe it will be a little less crowded since most of us reprobates who frequent the square will be desperately slapping together something of a believable tax return.

Now let's see...if I have to drink to stay awake while reading Washington Irving, that's a legit educational expense, right?

Can't boil an...

Wednesday, April 14
I'm no gourmet, but I've always thought of myself as someone who is relatively able to take care of himself in the hunt and gather department. My...ahem...dimensions confirm that I'm not one to go hungry.

I'm trying to boil some damn eggs, though. Three in a pot, covered with water, burner on high, wait until it gets good and rolling for a few minutes, then remove.

The first one was boiled about 3 millimeters in from the shell, and then all kinds of nasty. I popped the other two back into the pot. We'll see how these do.

The other two eggs went back into the pot and stayed in for two minutes at full boil. Somehow this yielded two perfectly soft-boiled eggs. I was going for hard-boiled, but let's not quibble.

Score: Eggs 1; Me 2


I've been thinking about getting a handheld GPS unit for awhile, but I wasn't sure how much I would actually use, or if it would be very useful. I generally try to stay on, you know, roads when I go on trips. But it would be nice to find my way around a place like Minneapolis when I go visit my friend there. Anyway, I just found out I can check one out from the Map Library at UT.

Ok, maybe I'm the only one who thinks this is cool.

Tuevee Teesday!

Tuesday, April 13
Game Shows have kept us playing along for years; From What's My Line? to Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?, We watch, yell at stupid contestants and generally feel superior, because we could be doing so much better! So let's see, do you have what it takes to play the game, or are you the Weakest Link?

1. Is there a game show (past or present) you think you would do really well on, as a contestant?
Jeopardy, man. I was homeschooled, so Alex Trebek was like a sixth-period teacher.

2. Is there a game show you think is the stupidest thing you've ever seen?
I like how TV Tuesday gives me a chance to flame Fear Factor every week. Good job TVT.

3. Is there a game show you watch, but don't like to admit to watching? (A guilty pleasure!)
I'm pretty shameless, so I'll pretty much own up to any shows I watch. The one that should bother me the most is probably Blind Date (if that can be called a game show). We all know it's just pixelporn®

~Bonus~ Who is your favorite game show host? Who is your least favorite?
Drew Carey was hilarious on WLIIA, but I think I'm going to have to stay with Trebek here. You know the man speaks like eight languages...

(This theme suggestion comes to TV Tuesday from the lovely Busy Mom, our self-proclaimed "Child of the70's". Thanks Busy Mom! If you have any ideas or suggestions, please e-mail me or leave it in the comment box!)
Bizzy in da Hizzy!

Thanks for playing! Now let's see what's behind curtain #3!
make it a pony, make it a pony, make it a pony, I want a pony

Kno Pics

I love Knoxpics. Look, I've got a permanent link on the right-hand column. So what I'm about to say is all love, baby.

Shane, when photographing Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, remember to get at least one picture of Bela Fleck.

Good pics, though. See you Friday morning.

We're number 2!

The Cleveland Indians are finally the best in the American having a miserable existence. page 2 ranks the MLB teams with the most misery, and the Tribe slides in just behind Montreal, a team that is forced to play its home games in another country.

See, I told you my life was crappy.

Rocky Top, baby

What I'm kicking right now: Phish's Rendition of "Rocky Top"

What people in my office are biatching about today: The new "donations" required to keep more than two sideline season tickets at Neyland Stadium. I understand why there's frustration. I mean, UT isn't known for its great pay, but one of the benefits of employment is the ability to get football season tickets for half price. For anyone reading this outside of Knoxville, the stadium (which seats 107,000+) sells out every game, and tickets are nearly impossible to come by. Of course, industrious University employees have generally used this as an opportunity to make a little extra cash by reselling these discounted tickets for face value and higher. Whether or not this constitutes an abuse of position is another issue altogether. Now the Athletic Department is going to require anyone who has more than two sideline seats to donate to the Volunteer Athletic Scholarship Fund, just like everyone else who wants primo season tickets.

But let's look at it this way: The Athletic Department is one of the few departments on campus that regularly (always) operates in the black. They are the single largest contributor to the University's general scholarship fund, and they provide a shite-load of scholarships for their own athletes. But really, it's not the entire Athletic Dept that is so profitable, it's the football team, the men's and women's basketball teams, and the baseball team. These teams provide the revenue to fund themselves, money-losing teams (, and manage to have enough left over to contribute to the rest of the University.

If we want to uphold the regulations set forth in Title IX (NCAA), see success from our teams on and off the field, and continue to reap the rewards of having such a major attraction in the heart of our city, we should be prepared to deal with the things the Athletic Dept does to maintain that cashflow. This is basically a price increase of $1000 for season tickets after the first two. No, it's not even that. It's a price increase for that section of season ticket seating; end zone tickets aren't getting bumped up. For better or for worse, that's a price the general public is willing to pay to get into that stadium by the river on home Saturdays (just call the central ticket office and ask them how long the waiting list is for sideline season tickets).

It may not be kind, and it may not be gentle, but it's the free market. UT Football as a product has an almost unlimited appeal to local consumers, and demand is equally high. Why should the University choose to make less money than it possibly can? It's not unethical or unlawful, just unlucky for scalpers.

Run Away

Monday, April 12
It looks like UT is going to lose a player or two from its men's basketball team. Boomer Herndon, whose father whined all semester on UT message boards and in letters to editors that his nice, but slug-footed progeny wasn't getting enough playing time, is planning to transfer. While this is slightly old news, there is no school determined as yet. Good luck, Boomer, we hardly knew ye...and we'll miss you less.

Also, John Winchester has announced that he is looking for a school closer to home. This will actually be a significant loss. Winchester, living up to his name, was one of our better and more consistent three-point and free throw shooters. He also had a pretty good head for the game. He didn't get as many ball-handling opportunities as Bradshaw, but certainly didn't make the same boneheaded turnovers and decisions that Dane did.

So we have a few scholarships available, but the Buzzer says he's not interested in offering one to a JuCo transfer. He adds (with all the subtlety of a flaming moose) that he plans to run a "tighter ship" and that academics and class attendance will be a higher priority next season. Because if you can't win with them, you might as well get them through college.

Go vols.

I hate them..

Saturday, April 10
Have I mentioned recently that the Kansas City Royals are the bane of my existence? They're right up there with David Riske and his inability to close out a game.

Good thing I have a subscription to Now I can experience the pain of Indians baseball in all of its exquisite fullness.

Think you're a nerd?

Thursday, April 8
You might be, but I'm pretty sure the dowski has just one-upped you. He's written a python program that searches words in the MW dictionary and pronounces them for you. Awesome.

Sure, you can find pronounciations on their website, but what if you're a lazy bastard like me? You are, and you know it.

All hail the dowski, nerd-tinkerer.

It's that time

Spring is in the air, baseball season is in full swing, and Sundown in the City is getting cranked up again. We're at T minus 3 hours till start, and I couldn't be more excited. Bela, baby.

I take my concert experience very seriously, so in preparation, I spent some time looking at pics from last year's Sundown series, especially my favorite band of the Summer.

See you there.

Daily Bacon

Wednesday, April 7
Today's Beacon (warning:PDF) includes an interesting piece about the inter-engineering project known as FutureTruck. The futuretruck competition is going to be in Michigan in a couple of months.

For some good reading, go to the competition website and check out the projects of some of the other teams. Michigan Tech's is pretty driveshaft, eh.

Slow blog

Sorry about the morning lag. I'm still recovering from the sound drubbing that the Lady Vols and the Cleveland Indians both received last night. Needless to say, the all-new and ridiculous diet got pitched last night. I had to have a beer. Or two. Cause I was thirsty...yeah, that's why.

Other than the beer, though, no slippage. Lots of fruits and nuts. Had chicken salad for lunch...not exactly my first choice, but not exactly a ribeye sandwich either.

Just in time for not watching TV, it's...

Tuesday, April 6

The Networks are getting ready to announce their new fall schedules. Imagine what would happen if you could play programmer for one day!
It wouldn't be pretty. There would be a whole new reality series that featured me eliminating other shows. First up: the public execution of Regis

1. What shows would make up a perfect night of TV viewing for you?
There would be some SportsCenter, some American Chopper, a good episode of Nova, and wash it all down with an hour or two of Adult Swim.

2. What show(s) would you cancel without a moment's hesitation?
Fear Factor. Fall down and die, Fear Factor.

3. Is there a show (previously cancelled or just no longer airing) that you'd bring back, original cast and all?
Hell, yeah. How about MST3K, The Muppets Show, Kids in the Hall and the recently and tragically cancelled Home Movies.

~Bonus~ You get to create one show to put on the schedule, with any stars you choose. Who and what would it be?
I'm not really creative like that. I'm much better at handing out my opinion about other people's creativity. [See also: blogger]

Thanks for playing "Programmer for a Day", now don't let the power go to your head - you know what Donald Trump says... "You're Fired!"
I'm fired?!?!?! Is this because I'm white?

Big freakin changes

Maybe I'm just a follower, but I decided this weekend that I'm going to make other lifestyle changes to go along with the whole no smoking thing. I think the current trend in mainstream TV toward shows with the whole "extreme makeover" motif are having a bad effect on me. Maybe my next list should include eliminating lame TV shows (or TV altogether).

No More:
- Red meat. I had said mammal meat before, but my veggie wife suggested I take smaller steps. Besides, I love me some bacon.
- Caffeine and Carbonation. Caffeine is obvious (and insane), and I added carbonation because I refrained from both for about a year in high school, and I was in great shape. You know, back when I could run consecutive 5 minute miles (or thereabouts). No beer, no tonic, no Coke, for God's sake.
- Sugared Drinks. This is anything that just has an isolated sugar added to it. The biggest ramification here is that I'll have to make sure I don't replace those other drinks (above) with HiC or something equally horrible.

Any suggestions from anyone who's tried to ditch this stuff?

The chosen 12

Monday, April 5
The Presidential Search Committee has narrowed the list of candidates to 12. They are:

-- Dr. Jerry W. Askew, Senior Vice President for Advancement and Community
Development, St. Mary's Health System

-- Dr. Jack O. Burns, Vice President for Academic Affairs and Research,
University of Colorado System

-- Dr. Brady Deaton, Provost and Executive Vice Chancellor for Academic
Affairs, University of Missouri-Columbia

-- Dr. William E. Evans, Scientific Director and Executive Vice President,
St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

-- Tom Galligan, Jr., Dean and Elvin E. Overton Distinguished Professor of
Law, The University of Tennessee College of Law

-- Dr. Kermit Hall, President and Professor of History, Utah State

-- Dr. Karen Hitchcock, President, State University of New York at Albany

-- Dr. Thomas Meredith, Chancellor, University System of Georgia

-- Dr. Kenneth Olden, Director, National Institute of Environmental Health
Sciences, and Director, National Toxicology Program

-- Dr. John Peters, President, Northern Illinois University

-- Dr. John Petersen, Chancellor and Provost for University Affairs,
University of Connecticut

-- Dr. Bill W. Stacy, Chancellor, The University of Tennessee at

Sorry for the slowness

There's just not much doing today. The Lady Vols don't play for the national championship until tomorrow, and I'm insanely fed up with the news lately. So there.

Had lunch with the missuz, though. That was nice. Alright, I'm going back to sleep.

Just in case

Friday, April 2
If you never follow any of the links here (all those words on the side columns), you should at least read this one story from correction yesterday. RLP also has it linked, you know it's a good'n.

what you could do today

National Alternative Fuel Vehicle Odyssey, 8 a.m. to sunset TODAY,
April 2, World's Fair Park Festival Lawn. Featuring 20 alternative fuel
vehicles. Organized by the UT Energy, Environment and Resources Center East
Tennessee Clean Fuels Coalition. EERC for three decades has pursued
research to improve air quality, environmental protection, and sustainable
resource use. For more info on the Odyssey call 974-3625. To learn more
about EERC visit

Restoration Justice, a lecture by John Braithwaite, professor of law at
Australian National University, 2 p.m. TODAY, April 2, in 126 Taylor Law
Center. Sponsored by the UT Criminal Justice Initiative. For more info call

Democracy and Multiculturalism, lecture by Chandran Kukathas of the
University of Utah, 3:30 p.m. TODAY, April 2, Law School Building
auditorium. Final lecture in the Is Democracy for Everyone? series
organized by the Global Studies Program and the Department of Philosophy.

Ceruti String Quartet from the University of Memphis, 8 p.m. TONIGHT,
April 2, UT Music Hall. Free admission.

Or you could just sit in your apartment, watching cartoons and eating Cheetos all day. Not that I would know about that...

Walk to Work

Did anyone actually walk to work today? I didn't. Come on, I was feeling sick last night and I couldn't find my bicycle pump. I actually saw some Athletic Department types (running suits, power-T emblazoned everything, good old boys) walking to work. I don't know if it was because of walk to work day or if I was just so late to the office that I was running on AD time.

So, to make up for it, I plan on walking to the mailbox tonight. I know, I know. You're welcome, Earth.


Thursday, April 1
It's a freakin party, people...gully dwarf style.

More April Fools

Is on Launch radio. I thought I was going out of my mind when I saw it. Emerging Artist of the month: WIlliam Hung. I love today's hottest video: Rappin' Granny.

Google just kicked Launch's ass.

There's also a good one at homestarrunner

Today at the U of T in K

2004 NEXUS Interdisciplinary Symposium: Reconstructing Theory and
Value, begins at 1 p.m. TODAY, April 1, and runs through TOMORROW, April 2,
in 1210-1211 McClung Tower. Lectures and panels will consider defining and
creating sustainable aesthetic, political, and philosophical values after
postmodernity. All events are free and open to the public. Hosted by UT
Grad Students in English. For more info contact Brian Gempp at or the English Graduate Office at 974-6933.

UT Libraries e-Forum Electronic Issues for the Academy, 3 p.m. TODAY,
April 1, in 605 Hodges Library. Featured speaker is Joe Branin, director of
libraries at Ohio State, who will discuss OSU's progress towards Knowledge
Bank, an institutional repository for managing digital materials.

Reform or Retrenchment? Single Sex Education and the Construction of
Race & Gender, a lecture by Verna Williams of the University of Cincinnati,
4 p.m. TODAY, April 1, in 132 Law School Bldg. Part of Equity and
Opportunities for Women: Initiatives in Law and Public Policy, a spring
speaker series sponsored by the UT Women's Studies Program with support
from the Haines Morris Foundation.

Start stretching

You know what tomorrow is, don't you?

Don't drive

I'm a little far away to walk, but I could probably air up the old bicycle tires. How are you observing National Out Of Breath Day?

SunDang in the City

Hey, I almost forgot, next week is the first sundown in the city. I'm not sure why there hasn't been more publicity...or any publicity, really. It's moving back to Market Square, which is partly due, no doubt, to the untimely closure of the ThInQ Tank. Still free, and still fine, though. The first headliner is none other than the jazztastic and banjoriffic Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. The opener is a local group called Spookie Daly Pride. They are from Dandridge, and they play that good old hill music. It starts at six, but get there earlier. I'm buying a beer for the first five people who ask me (or one per persona, Infozo).

Woohoo, free music in Market Square!

MP">The new MP

Shortly after the MetroPulse came out last week, JoJo, webmokey at large, redesigned the site's front page. This week, the new look is in full force. It's nice. Two-day forecast: good. Also, there's finally a higher resolution image of the front page right there where everyone can read it.

Good work, fellers.

Best April Fool joke so far

Is on Launch radio. I thought I was going out of my mind when I saw it. Emerging Artist of the month: WIlliam Hung. I love today's hottest video: Rappin' Granny.